The types of people on WhatsApp: There are the ones that only greet you when they need something or when you change your display picture. There are the ones that never greet you and still have the effrontery to ask why you never greet them. There are those ones that never change their display picture, always trying to imitate God, the same "yesterday, today and forevermore." There are also the ones who use their status to tell their life's history. You can write a biography of them just based on what they put on their status.
"Send this to ten people or your great grandmother's father's god father will die." "Send it back to me if you love me." "A doctor from Space says drink 20 glasses of water per day, share this useful piece of information to your loved ones." Do these messages look familiar?
A lot of times, I try to imagine how life will be, if WhatsApp were real life. How people will feel very comfortable to shove those balderdash, space, time and data devouring broadcasts into unwanted conversations. Just for jokes sake, it is easy to know people who are new to WhatsApp and very easy to identify older people (talking about age) on WhatsApp. They take every broadcasts they mistakenly sniff past their nostrils very seriously. Especially if you are really close to those folks or its a group WhatsApp, you do all sort of things like pray and fast to avoid the temptation of blocking them or exiting yourself from the group. The worst is group WhatsApp messages, too many useless broadcasts, you don't know when the useful message will pass away. You blink on group chat, 597 more messages have entered.
Still on messages, one of my WhatsApp mantra is that "if we ever have to talk about weather or you ever have to ask me "So, how is your life going" (after 3 months of the previous conversation,) I don't think the conversation is necessary. We don't need to talk. It is better you just say "Hey, I just want to check on you. I hope all is well?" Shikenah (meaning finish) and let me reply "All is well. Thanks and bye for now." Let the conversation rest in peace there so that both of us can avoid that awkward silence that happens when none of us has anything meaningful to contribute to the conversation.
Another thing is using short forms of words where unnecessary. For example writing "Yhu" instead of "You" or "Wat" instead of "What." Please, what exactly did grammar do to offend you that you cannot just spell the three letters of "You" correctly or why are you too stingy to add the "h" in "What." I can understand "Lol," "Lmao," and "Rotfl," but the way some people maltreat spellings and short forms is enough to kill the morale in the conversation.
Next, the types of people on WhatsApp. There are the ones that only greet you when they need something or when you change your display picture. There are the ones that never greet you and still have the effrontery to ask why you never greet them. There are those ones that never change their display picture, always trying to imitate God, the same "yesterday, today and forevermore." There are also the ones who use their status to tell their life's history. You can write a biography of them just based on what they put on their status.
Last but not the least are the folks that have the guts to send you messages they will never say to you in person. I "comment my reserve" and bite my tongue on this one. The thunder that will charge electricity or light into your brain, is still in prenatal stage. STOP USING TEXT MESSAGES ON WHATSAPP TO SEND THE BULLSHIT THAT YOU CANNOT SAY IN PERSON!!! Especially when it comes to wooing and relationships. They will send messages like "You are the sun to my earth..." and when they see you in person, they will give you straight face as if they did not just send such... If so, please, just like the distance between the earth and the sun, stay at least 92.96 million miles away from all forms of communicating with me.
These days, I am no longer ashamed or afraid to block people on WhatsApp and greet them in person the next day. Yes! I blocked you, I don't want anymore messages from you, come and beat me! It is just too stressful to communicate on WhatsApp these days.
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© Oyindamola Shoola 2020