More than half the time, we are not who we want to be for ourselves. There is always more that we want to change, fix, and become of and for ourselves and sometimes, for those we love.
There is always a way for us to be better and become, which is the importance and meaningfulness of life. Even those who live for "the now" linger on because there is a hope of formation, transformation, and maintenance at the least - granting themselves grace through the process.
So how come we become so entitled and unforgiving about someone else not being who we want them to be for us, let alone who they want to be for themselves? How come we can't grant the same grace we have for ourselves to others in making? How come we see ourselves with kindness and can't offer the same civility to someone else?
With unforgiveness and a canceling mindset, we forget that creation was not the completion of who we are; it was only a start. Everything else about being human and growing is like a river, flowing and moving. If we can't hold people accountable mercifully and purposefully in a way that transforms them or at least gives them room for change, then we should let go gracefully. The whole point of grace, at least from what we can learn of God, who granted it to us first, is that it is not about a person deserving it or not. And deserving grace doesn't make it more meaningful than making it available even when it is not in our capacity to give.
Here is proof that grace isn't even in our power. Whether we love or hate someone else for who they have been, done, or said; whether we decide to forgive them or not; whether we "cancel them" or not; whether we block them from opportunities they deserve or not - the breath they take tomorrow is not by our choice. Seeing another day to try different and better is not by our doing, and that is the grace God has gifted to all. So far, the breath in someone else's nostrils is not by your might or power; you can't determine their tomorrow, no matter the facade of power you think you have over them.
You can give mercy to someone else, but you can't take away the grace that's been made available to them. And just because someone else’s time of redirection or alignment with your life or viewpoints is not happening when or how you want, doesn’t mean hope is lost for them. A redirection or alignment with your intention may never even happen for them, but that doesn’t mean they have lost a chance at meaning, grace, or life.
In many situations where someone else isn’t who we want them to be, sometimes, it is enough to say, "I may not be able to show you mercy at this point, or you haven't earned my mercy, but I'll give you the grace to learn, live well, try again, and do better when another opportunity presents itself." Also, we need to realize that sometimes, our frustration about someone else’s difference isn’t that they are different from us. Sometimes, our true frustration is that they can be, believe, or become like us but choose not to.
To let someone else have grace is to avoid condemnation. And we don't always need to do anything to let someone else have grace. Sometimes, our silence and reservations about who they are or have the potential to become is enough for grace to abound.