The funniest part is that many hardcore female feminists want men to be feminists and admire men who are feminists but do not want feminism to benefit men. And the question for this type of feminists is this; “if you keep seeing men as the problem, why include them in what is supposed to be the solution to the problem?”
When I was first introduced to feminism, my perspective was streamlined to one thing. Feminism is a movement for women ONLY. The more I read articles and watched videos, I learnt that the events which caused feminism created a movement in desire of social, economic, and political EQUALITY of women and men. Therefore, I heard and watched several people argue that if it is truly for EQUALITY, why does it not benefit men who still suffer from sexism? The truth is that men have beauty standards too, they have moral expectations, and stereotypes that limit them. Men are more likely to be arrested or jailed, and they are more likely to commit suicide among all other death triggering events. Besides that, even the so-called feminists fall short of boxing men in simple statements whether thought or said, like “be a man.” Another example is if you go out on a date and you want to show off your feminism, as a female, you may say that you will pay the bills but right at the door, you expect the man to open the door for you simply because he “has to be a gentle man.” (As much as we like feminism to be perfect and accurate we forget that it was created and it is maintained by a bunch of flawed human beings.) The funniest part is that many hardcore female feminists want men to be feminists and admire men who are feminists but do not want feminism to benefit men. And the question for this type of feminists is this; “if you keep seeing men as the problem, why include them in what is supposed to be the solution to the problem?”
Having viewed all these, I decided to change my own definition of feminism. My definition is that “feminism is a fight for liberation and justice for females specifically that benefit males in the long run.” An example like I have mentioned in my earlier posts is that, if women are paid the wages that they deserve (which may be higher than or equal to a man’s pay), more women will be able to support their husbands at home. That way, the benevolent stereotype that men have to be providers will be eased up.
I am not very much interested in any form of negative feminism that only aims at make life harder for men because women are angry. Although, I am angry at the limitations that females face, I work to use my anger positively and in all honesty, I am not certain that there can be 100% equality in all areas of gender. There will be some areas that women will have upper hand than men and vice versa. For example, realistically (except in very special cases), men cannot give birth to the children (and I really cannot think of something women cannot do for now) but a silly example is that women cannot start sagging their skirts because men do.
Furthermore, I want a human-friendly feminism. A movement that creates humor out of our shortcomings as a way to fix gender problems. It will surprise you to know how many feminists still love color pink, love men that are in control, buy fashion magazines filled with skinny models, aspire to marriage, love skirts, are happy when a man opens the door and still accidentally listen to songs that demoralize women. I don’t aim to shame the perks of being a feminist or call for pity for men but I wish that men are more open to feminism and to see that it is not “a man hating duty by women.” I want to encourage a conversation whereby females and males can discuss the difficulties that they face and be committed to doing at least one thing to help make this world a better place.
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© Oyindamola Shoola 2020