3 Pieces of New Year’s Advice That Don’t Involve Goal-Setting

Things I wish someone had told me.

About 2-3 years ago, I began fully letting go of the notion that every new year should mean a restart or a transformation.

My awakening to this moment had been slowly brewing, but it was cemented when I stumbled upon the end-of-year Shiloh prayer cards I had written in my mid-to-late teenage years. On one hand, I felt utter disgust at the things I prayed for that took up unnecessary space in my life. On the other end, I felt extreme relief that God didn’t answer those prayers (at least from my perspective).

I could only now imagine how, 5 years from this moment, I might stumble upon another desperate “new year” goal, prayer list, or journal entry that once felt like a passport to the final transformation of my life. I realized how exhausting it is to be stuck in a hamster-wheel mindset, that there is only one thing that will change my life and lift me above all my problems, and maybe that thing will happen this year; you know the outlier testimony. I also noticed that we’re now in a culture of reserving the excitement of the possibilities in our lives for quarter 1 of each year. What if October is as hope-filled as January is?

Do not get me wrong, I have had my good years of “goal setting” in this decade with evidence that it works, but what I couldn’t seem to master was what to make of the years that demanded more of my life beyond a self-serving miracle that put God on a timer. What I also wanted to learn was how to embrace years when I was barely staying afloat, or when I no longer wanted my goals and desperation to be my idols.

So, in the midst of all the “new year resolution” media rollouts you’ll see in the coming days, here are 3 alternative recommendations I wish someone had taught me that have nothing to do with setting goals.

1. Find something good to do in a world that seems to be turning upside down.

Recently, at lunch with some former co-workers, the CEO said something that perfectly captured a lingering thought I had. She said (and I’m paraphrasing), “I’m grateful to be doing mission-driven work in times like these.”

Earlier this year, I had heard someone else, a board member at the organization I work for, say something similar when people asked her, “What can they do in the current difficult climate?” She told them to volunteer, donate, or find something good to do for someone else in need.

You are an answered prayer to someone else’s needs, the same way you pray to be a beneficiary of God’s grace or someone else’s goodwill. You alone may not be able to control everything that happens in the world, but you can decide what you want to do about any of the crises our world faces. Starting a podcast to talk about the problem doesn’t count in this specific context… we have too many of those already, I beg.

There is this famous proverb that, “A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they know they shall never sit.” You do not need to do something outlandish beyond your capacity – it can be volunteering to distribute food to people who can’t afford it, or supporting a local library, donating blood, feeding birds, or rallying your friends to fundraise for a cause. That very little thing you do means the world to someone else.

2. Position your heart to be of gratitude beyond your desires.

In 2024, I started a spreadsheet (yes, I’m that girl) where, at the end of every month, I write out all the things that excited me, made me happy, and were memorable. Each month, without fail, I did this; and they were often short bullet points, sometimes 10 lines, sometimes 3, sometimes 15. It could be something as simple as traveling to a new place, catching up with a friend, planning an engagement proposal, running a half-marathon, restarting therapy, or my book becoming a bestseller (all bragging rights reserved).

I did the same thing this year, but this time I put the columns side by side so I could see what I was grateful for this month, last year, or the previous month. This made me realize that the testimony of my life is bigger than my goals. It made me see that God was with me throughout the year, even in moments when I “forgot” or felt otherwise.

This constant practice of gratitude also helped me embrace my life more fully, so I didn't feel like I was constantly fighting it by trying to change this and that all the time. The rate at which I exaggerated my problems and underestimated the goodness of God in my life reduced. And if I ever found myself in moments of doubt or frustration (which isn’t rare for my overthinking brain), I had undeniable evidence, month after month, that God has been good to me.

3. Sitting still can help turn your mountains into your molehills.

One of the reasons I lovingly hate my therapist is that the best advice she sometimes gives me for the most challenging situations is to “do nothing.”

I am a very restless person. I am constantly thinking about thinking, constantly doing something – cleaning my apartment while drinking peppermint tea at 2 am, crocheting while walking on the treadmill, cooking while doing laundry. Yet, this seemingly useless advice to be still has saved me, especially when I have done everything in my power, and a problem persists. It also made me realize that…(wait for it) if I am doing everything in my power when it’s not my power that will change a situation, I will only exhaust myself for no reason.

I learned to ask myself: Is this something I can fix, or is it something that my sweet sugar daddy in the sky (AKA the lord) should take care of in due time? I recently listened to Kat Williams on Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson’s podcast, where he said (and, I’m paraphrasing) that God has responsibilities he owes you. Let Him do it.

There is this famous bible verse – Psalm 46:10 that says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

If that’s not enough to convince you, remember the story of Jesus and the disciples crossing the Sea of Galilee and the storm taking over…and they were panicking, especially because my big brother, Jesus, decided that was a perfect time for napping? Yeah, that… Also, what did Jesus say to the wind and the waves? "Peace! Be still!" If I were on that boat, this is where I would tap my fingers at Galilee and shout, “Clock it!”

The constant obsession with problem-solving (disguised as goal-setting in our lives), on one hand, makes you forget that when you were born, no one said, “Here, take this life and keep fixing it.” And sometimes this mindset only prepares us to handle the euphoria of good moments when everything is working according to plan, but never provides us with the tools to handle the challenges that come our way or to enjoy the ordinariness of our lives, which for many people will be most of their lives.

There is a way that Nigerians say, “I cannot come and go and kill myself” when they’ve tried their absolute best at something and given their all. If you ever come to the end of yourself, sometimes tap into your inner Nigerian, or be like Jesus, and take a nap.

When I reflect on the feelings I had as I read those Shiloh prayer cards, I realize that what I was desperate for in those years, when I thought my life depended on it, was, in hindsight, very irrelevant. I can’t remember so many things that gave me joy and positive memories because I was so obsessed with getting each year right and trying to make it the year when “my life truly transforms.” I will always wonder what else I could have done with that time. I have also learned that the success of my goals is not the only evidence of God’s existence in my life throughout the year.

These days, there is a way that I see life as a passage of time and how it is a book of everything - gratitude, challenges, miracles, memories, and so much more. I really hope more people can step back from the lens of their goals and resolutions to see the fuller value of their existence and place in this world, and in each year.